Noah and wife

Wife You are working those boys too hard.

Noah It’s good for them. Keeps their minds off going to the big city, Enoch. You know, the one Cain started. A lot of our people have gone there.

W The boys need some recreation.

N What do you suggest?

W A picnic.

N A what?

W A pic-nic, we go out somewhere and eat food.

N Why?

W Well, we are all sick of looking at the ark.

We need a change – a day away – with no ark talk.

N You may be right. No ark talk, huh?

W That’s right, no ark talk.

W The girls and I need to gather some more kinds of food. Any ideas?

We have grain, oats and barley so far…

N Nuts.

W Don’t be that way.

N I mean nuts as food.

W  Oh.

N Didn’t you say we need a new table?

How many cubits are you thinking?

W You and your cubits! Is that all you can think of is wood working?

N Pretty much.

W See, that’s why we all need a day away.

N Who will watch the ark?

W You think someone will steal it?

N Graffiti , you know how the neighbors kids are.

W Their mothers won’t let them come around here anymore- too many splinters.

N You might be right about your day away.

The boys are talking pretty crazy these days.

Japheth is wondering if beavers will eat the ark. Shem is worried about termites. Ham wonders if the wine will run out.

We really don’t know how long…

W By the way, how many windows will it have?

N One.

W One?

N One, hey, I didn’t design it.

W Well, now I have to tell the girls that nobody  gets a window in their room.

We will have to have some light.

N I hadn’t thought about it.

W I have – and it’s a problem with all that pitch covered wood… We don’t want a fire.

N No, we don’t. And with all the animals. One could kick a lantern over.

W Yes, a burning lantern in the straw on the pitch covered wood floor. That would be bad!

N You’re telling me. You are so practical my dear.

W Maybe all the animals will go to sleep during the time in the ark.

N We really don’t even know all the kinds that will be on it.

W Do we have to have food for them all?

N I don’t know.

W Because if we do, we better get gathering.

I’ve just been thinking of food for us to eat.

If all those animals are eating and pooping and there is only one window to toss the poop out…

N I’m gonna have to think about that.

W See if God can give you a better idea on the animal care that will be needed.

N That’s a fair point, dear.

Japheth asked if we should have lifeboats

But Ham said it’s one big lifeboat

Shem thinks we should name it.

W Name what?

N Name the ark and paint the name on it.

W What’s wrong with The Ark? It’s not like there’s a lot of them around.

N Ham says we should bring some fishing poles and Japheth wants a mermaid on the front?

W And  who would see it?

N Well, after it was parked, you know.

W I’ll bet no one will want to see again.

N That may be… This is taking way longer that I thought it would.

W That’s why we need a day away. Everyone will have a fresh attitude.

N Well, I have to agree, we do need a day away. What did you call it?

W A picnic.

N Hey, what if we name the ark after you?

W And paint it on the back?

N Yeah, people will remember your name forever.

W I think we should stick with The Ark.

Interviewing Adam

Me: We have Adam in the studio. The Adam.

Adam: That’s right, Adam, The Adam. That’s me.

Me: This is so cool. I have some questions!

Adam: Yeah, sorry, I don’t do questions anymore.

Me: Why not?

Adam: Well, people didn’t like the answers for one thing. And, I mean, that was a real long time ago.

Me: But I read your story many times.

Adam: You know who hasn’t read it? Me. I never learned to read. I mean, someone read it to me.

Me: How is it you speak perfect English?

Adam: Am I? I know all the languages, except the Click one. I do get Spanish, and Portuguese mixed up sometimes.

Listen, I’m working on a stand-up routine. Can I try a couple on you?

Me: Sure, I guess so.

Adam: Okay. Someone told me Neal Armstrong was the first man on the moon. I wasn’t impressed. (pause) I was the first man on earth!

What? Nothing? Look, I’m not gonna start with that one.

Eve said to me, “Are you seeing other women?” “I said, “No. There are no other women!”

Do you even have a sense of humor? I can’t bomb again, like last time. Job has this club and he’s giving me another chance. He’s so patient, you know.

Okay, try this one. Do you know the retirement age back then? It was 600. But I was ready.

I invented the hammock, you know. It wasn’t easy. First, you have to plant two trees just the right distance apart.

Then you have to wait 100 years…

Me: That was a good one.

Adam: So Eve says, Why don’t you pick some fruit for dinner?

I said, Isn’t that your department?

She said, Don’t start that again!

I’ll gather some nuts, okay?

She said, That sounds about right for you.

Me: Really? Did that happen?

Adam: No. We agreed to not talk about the past. I mean, why keep blaming each other?

One more. Able said to Eve, I understand that I came from you, Mom, but where did you come from?

She looks at me and says, Do you want to take that one, honey?


Look, I’m in a good mood. I’ll do one question.

Me: Where did you sleep?

Adam: Where did we sleep? That’s your question? At first, we slept on the ground. (pause) Near the river.

You know, you should ask Eve your questions.

I think she still answers questions. She’s around somewhere.

Me: You aren’t together?

Adam: Nobody is together! There’s no marriage here.

Me: Oh, yeah.

Adam: Just look for the best looking woman. Wait, I can use that. The best looking woman on earth.

Come to Job’s Place. It’s right near the South Middle Gate.

Me: Is there a cover charge?

Adam: Cover charge? There’s no money! Did you skip Orientation?

What about this? Eve says to me, The cave is chilly at night. (This was later on.)

I said, What about the blanket?

Eve says, Four sheepskins. And who sewed it? Why can’t you just invent indoor heat.

I said, I’m working on it. What about my other inventions? The plow? The door? The potty?

She said, You mean the Big Crooked Stick, The Heavy Rock and The Hole Too Far Away at Night?

I said, Well, I’m more of a Namer than an Inventor, really.

She said, Oh, yeah, like Wiggle-nose, Eight-legs and Long-neck.

I said, Those are very descriptive names.

She said, And, by the way, Eight-legs is still getting into the cave.

I said, I’m working on that.

Okay. now you’re laughing!

Me: That is funny stuff.

Adam: Catch me at Job’s Place. It’s mostly singing acts, a juggler, a plate spinner…

I really don’t get that one. Right near the South Middle Gate. The pearl one. Wait, they’re all pearl. South Middle. Bye. (I have to tell Able this one, Where did you sleep?)